Why I Regret Not Keeping a Diary

Saturday, 9 April 2016

I don't have many regrets, well I bloody hope not because I'm a twenty year old woman and try to make mistakes, not regrets. But one of the biggest ones I hold on to is not keeping a diary from a young age. I did try to keep a diary when I was younger but I never really kept up with it and when I was 13 I ripped up all the entries because I was just so embarrassed of my 'past' self (goddamn it angsty teenage Ciara). After that I made the executive decision that I didn't want to write a diary because I would just be embarrassed late,when you're younger embarrassment is one of the worst feelings ever, but now I would probably just laugh about how much of a twat I was! And this is why I regret it, I see so many youtubers read out their old diary entries and you can see on their faces that they have this huge bubble of nostalgia growing in them as they read out entries from 2005 and I can only get that feeling from photos and I know I like photos but I would just love to have read something in my own words just about an average day in my 11 year old life, what my problems were back then and what I was doing, there aren't many photos of me having an average day, I'm always doing things and posing against trees. I want to know what the gossip was like at school and just relive the tiny little world I lived in before I grew up and started buying deodorant for my fridge! It makes me genuinely sad sometimes to know that I wont get to experience that again. 

However, when I was feeling down about this one day and longed for that nostalgic bubble, I went to tumblr and began scrolling through all the posts I tagged 'personal', I found there were entries from 2011 when I was 15/16 and just started going out with Gareth. Now I know this isn't the same because it was only 5 years ago but I still found that sense of nostalgia and even some of the entries made me cringe. I decided to buy some notebooks and begin writing these entries down like a diary, I've filled three books full of stresses about Alevels and University and some really deep moments which made me tear up abit, it also made me realise how much I used to share on social media but I'm actually pleased I did because now I have a record of past me and I don't have to paste it all over social media any more. I know it's not the same as day to day mediocre entries but at least I've got something now that I can look at when I'm 40 and I am definitely getting into the routine of writing in my diary more and more so that nostalgic bubble can get bigger and bigger!

If you regret not keeping a diary from a young age, have a look at your social media. Go right back to the beginning, if it makes you cringe, laugh and cry write it in a book, the internet might not last forever you wont regret it. If you once did write diary, start again, you don't have to write in it everyday but a few entries here and there, no matter how mediocre or dramatic they are, read them back in the future and feel that nostalgic bubble grow inside you, it's one of the greatest feelings in the world, knowing what you've been through and knowing you're okay now even if it was just telling that horrible friend that bullied you where to go or getting rid of that Barbie wallpaper.   


  1. I can't even bare to read my Twitter back to the beginning! So embarrassing! Great post lovely xx