Dear May

Monday, 19 June 2017


As I'm writing this I am currently residing in a 6 bedroom house in Northampton and I haven't felt this happy in a very long time; but you're going have to wait for the reasons why because it is now June. And I know I am late to this but a lot happened and May took its tole so I'm currently trying to kick back and relax for a change and I'm enjoying it so much. 

May you were stressful. You also marked the end to both my university years and the year I have had living in my tiny town house in Carlisle. For the rest of the world, you weren't great and you brought about a lot of anxiety, grief and change, why did you have to do that? I know the universe likes to keep us on our toes but this is ridiculous and cruel, please stop. 

When you began I decided, last minute to give myself a challenge. I wanted to write a blogpost everyday. I must have been feeling particularly creatively stifled and I wanted to reopen something. I don't really understand why I did this because I was absolutely sick of writing after my dissertation, but something must have told me to do it, damn universe. I did it though didn't I? And really enjoyed it as well, I love the direction my blog is going in at the moment and I feel like I've really got something going here on this slice of internet I have, I'm even thinking about buying my domain name and being a proper blogger, we'll have to see. All in all there's some very exciting things happening with my creativity right now and I think that's down to you May, so thank you, thank you for driving me to do things when I didn't think I had anything left after my dissertation. I thought I was defeated, a voiceless husk with nothing left to project, but you proved me wrong. 

You also brought a long my birthday, I nearly forgot. I knew it was going to be strange this year, a lot has changed and I'm still getting used to that everyday, so when my birthday came around I was kind of dreading it. But it turned out to be a normal day, I went to work which I was pleased about because I really didn't want to be on my own and then in the evening I had my annual Eurovision night and we drank and ate pizza and I felt genuinely okay. About as okay I could be on that day and everyone accepted that, there were no expectations about how happy I should be and people just left me to my own devices, I love my friends. Despite everything, thank you for another great birthday May it means a lot!

I completed my last assignment and therefor I have now finished Uni, I am no longer a student, what? I had to take another extension and therefor, almost everyone else finished Uni before me. Their relief filled me with determination to get it done and guess what I did and now I feel that relief too. I'm finishing on a high 2:1 and I have never been more proud of myself. That's probably the word for this month actually; pride. I haven't felt myself for a very long time and I've been rather insecure in my work and my writing and everything about me really, but knowing I can complete a very difficult, very academic Uni course just makes me so proud of myself. Despite all the shit I did it, where's my gold medal? 

It's not all been sunshine and rainbows though has it May? The world is a scary place and the events on the 22nd reinforced that for everyone. Britain came to a stand still as people mourned the mindless attacks in Manchester and then London. It's hard to put into words how I feel about the whole thing, it just hit home because myself and a lot of my friends have been to that arena multiple times and having experienced the same amount of excitement and belonging and enjoyment from a gig, especially when you're a teenager. And having that taken away from you, I just can't comprehend that, I just can't. The world is a scary place and we have to stick together, we can't let them win. Music will never be used for hate and violence, we need to carry on and that is what we will do. I just hope there are brighter, less terrifying things around the corner.

May you've been productive, the sun could have shined more but you've got time to change that. Be nice to us please, we don't deserve all this and I am so glad that I got through you mostly unscathed. There are a lot of exciting things coming up and I can't wait to live through them with my new sense of pride and love that you brought a long. Just keep giving it to everyone else okay?

How was your May?




4 comments

  1. Writing a post each day is so inspiring! I would love to be able to write that often! I think buying your domain name would be such a great step, I do think you definitely have something special here. I wish you all the best with your blogging adventures and can't wait to see what the future has in store for you!

    Sending light & love your way,
    My Lovelier Days

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    1. Aww thank you so much. I think I will do it at some point, when I have money! Aww you're too kind thank you Diana this means so much!

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  2. Congratulations (or my commiserations? Tough times being a grad these days) on finishing your degree.

    I often considered scribbling on the daily, but the pressure broke me down. I know I am a terrible reference point because of my general aversion to scheduling but remember to breathe once in a while.

    You 100% should buy a domain and be a proper blogger- the freedom is worth it alone- regardless of the inherent financial boons. Hit me up on twitter if you want to chat about the best way to go about it!

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    1. Thank you, yeah it's a scary time definitely but I'm feeling optimistic. It's actually not too bad if you plan ahead for busy days and have an idea of what posts you're putting up when. Oh really? Okay that is definitely my next port of call, I shall thank you Thomas!

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